Katti history of dating - Ulust

   Hello everyone, I'm Katti I have a problem with this guy I really like. Namely, we've been sort of seeing each other, but it seems that he probably doesn't want to make it official, and I really do.

   Some background: We're both living in Queensland, Australia, after having finished our master's degrees at a university here. I'm American, originally from Washington State, and he's from Paris, France. We met through a mutual friend (a very good friend of mine who I lived with for a while) toward the end of last year. We're both still living and working in Australia for the time being, neither of us quite sure yet how long we're going to end up here but still wanting to be here. We come from very different backgrounds, but share some interests (such as diving, aquarium keeping, and animals in general—I studied zoology and his dream is to be a veterinarian).
   Anyway, it's been at least a year and a half since my last relationship ended, and I've been very happy to be single and free and not have to deal with any relationship drama. Plus, I've been able to hook up with several different guys and just generally feel awesome about myself. I'm a very sexual person and I like to be able to get it on as often as I can. I also tend to have pretty good self-esteem most of the time. Anyway, so around the beginning of April I decided to seduce my friend (let's call him Pierre) because I thought he was really hot. So I did. Essentially we ended up sleeping together one night after hanging out all day and having dinner together, and I was just really excited because I thought it would be the beginning of a great FWB situation. I didn't have romantic feelings for him and I didn't expect to. And I knew he'd just gotten out of a three-year long-distance relationship around the end of January, so I figured he'd just be up for a bit of casual fun, nothing serious.

   Well, crap. What was meant to be just fuck buddies soon ended up seeming like quite a lot more. We didn't just have booty calls, he came over for dinner all the time and we hung out and talked as much as we could (his insane work and basketball practice schedules permitting). It quickly evolved into a pseudo-relationship, and we even decided to be sexually exclusive (I started this mainly for sexual health reasons, but neither of us were screwing/interested in anyone else). Also, I soon began realizing that I was developing feelings for him as I got to know him better and better. We had only hung out a handful of times before we started sleeping together, but after that we started spending a lot of time together. And he really is a wonderful person. He's kind and sweet and thoughtful and he just acted really affectionate and happy to be around me. And when my grandfather suddenly passed away and my mom decided to fly me back to the US for a spur of the moment trip to be with the family, Pierre offered to house-sit for me and take care of my kitten and my aquarium and my pet mice. I took him up on his offer and he lived at my place and looked after my pets for over three weeks while I was gone.

   I am ridiculously attracted to this guy. I also think he is a wonderful person, and I finally had to admit to myself that I was falling for him pretty hard (argh, I never meant to do that). But I didn't want to bring it up because I knew his last relationship ended fairly recently and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or feel like I was trying to push him into anything he wasn't ready for. Still, I haven't been able to get it off my mind. Also, I want to point out that I've talked about this extensively to some of my close friends, and my best friend has told me that she thinks it sounds like he wants to be in a relationship with me eventually, even if he's not ready right now.

   Which brings me to what happened last night. I hadn't seen him in a week, but he offered to come over after work and after a phone call from his parents. And when he got here, we kissed and cuddled a bit, but before things got any steamier, he said he had to ask me something. Then he asked what would happen if I, for example, met someone amazing and fell for him. What would happen with me and Pierre, would I stop seeing him in favor of a new guy. And I said...probably not, because I was happy to just have him. He said "but we're not dating", so I said "I wasn't going to bring this up now, but I just have to ask....do you see anything ever happening with us...like this becoming more than just friends or friends with benefits? Can you ever see yourself being in a relationship with me?" He replied that he had thought about it, but he could see little things that might cause us to not work out in the long run. Basically, he wants to be very sure of things working before even getting into a relationship with anyone, like practically to the point where he knows he wants to end up with the person. I was pretty hurt and disappointed, because I felt that he was overthinking it and that I really wished he would just give me a chance and see where it went (and I told him so). He just said that he didn't really see it working out, but he agreed to continue to consider it and that he will let me know what he decides at some point in the future. (We discussed it in a lot more depth, but this is already getting really long, so I can clarify or provide more details if anyone wants). Anyway, so this basically leaves me chewing my nails and waiting around for him to make a decision on whether he wants to be in a relationship with me or not. Which is really really hard. I know I could just tell him that this is too hard and I can't wait around for him, but I already said I WOULD wait for him because I didn't want to push him, and that it was worth it to me to have the chance to be with him.

   Right now I don't know what to do with myself, I don't even know whether to cry or not. Waiting for someone to make up their mind about you is incredibly hard. But I understand that it's his decision to make, and he's never done anything cruel to me. He's always been honest. And I may not agree with his feelings and his reasonings for not wanting to get into a relationship (I thought they were pretty silly, like me being a cat person and him being a dog person—said while he was cuddling my cat :P ), I understand that they are his feelings and I can't change them any more than he can change mine.

   So am I crazy to wait for this guy, and hope that he will want to be with me?? I like him so much and I want to give it the best try I can. And as he said, he still might decide he wants to be with me. I mean, just because you don't immediately know you're going to marry someone, doesn't mean you can't try a relationship with them and see where it goes. But, dammit. I don't know when he will even be free to see me again, and when I do, should I say anything further to him about it or just continue having fun with him as I have been and wait for his response? He didn't give me a time frame and I didn't ask for one. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation where it actually worked out? I'm not ready to give up on him yet. I guess I just need some outside opinions, and I just feel so alone right now :(

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